


I'm Here

by StarkRogers135



Series: Angel!Dean Winchester series [24]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Blade, Angel Dean Winchester, Angelic Grace, Angelic Soulbond, Anger, Beaches, Fights, Forgiveness, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied Lucifer/Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kansas, Lucifer | Nick, M/M, Protective Lucifer, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-07
Updated: 2013-09-07
Packaged: 2017-12-25 20:57:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/957527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarkRogers135/pseuds/StarkRogers135
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas got into an argument which caused Dean to flea to Buffalo, Wyoming and away from Lawrence, Kansas. Sam has to play hero and drive twelve to thirteen hours to get to Dean and convince him to go back to Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Here

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS A STORY. THEY ARE NOT INDIVIDUAL STORIES. IT IS ALL ONE STORY!  
> START AT "Die Trying" AND WORK YOUR WAY THROUGH IT.  
> They are suppose to be chapters, but they were put into a Series form, sorry for not telling you guys.  
> Well, Have fun!

Cas hasn't seen Dean for twenty-four hours. He knew his mate hated him for not making Lucifer leave. He just knew it! He sat down and stared at an angel blade on the table. Dean was verbally abusive. He would yell and snap at Cas any given moment. He even tempted to hit him once. Cas frowned at the thought and gripped the angel blade in his hand.

No matter how many times lucifer told him no, Sam wanted to walk around. Sam walked out of the bedroom, his heart nearly leaping, when he saw Cas holding the sharp angel blade right up to his chest. "Cas!" Sam said quickly and hurried over, snatching the blade away. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Lucifer followed behind Sam and swallowed hard when he realized what his little brother was going to do.

Cas frowned and shook his head. "Dean hates me. He doesn't love me anymore. He hates me because I wasn't able to make Lucifer leave. I told him that I had no control and he still wouldn't believe me. He just kept... _yelling_ at me until I asked him to stop and then he just left!"

Sam frowned sadly. "He doesn't hate you, Cas," Sam frowned. "He just...Dean needs to clear his head. He thinks that whenever someone, who isn't him, is taking care of me, they're taking his job as a big brother. I promise, Cas, he doesn't hate you."

"You don't know that! I couldn't get rid of Lucifer, so he gets angry with _me_! Takes everything out on _me_! He's _always_ yelling at me! He even tempted to hit me once while he was upset! So, why can't I just put myself out of his life, that way he doesn't have to be angry all of the time?!" Cas stood up and looked at Sam, his eyes filling with tears. "So, don't you _tell_ me that Dean does not hate me."

Sam swallowed thickly and looked at Lucifer for help. Sam knew Dean. He knew his brother could never hate Cas. He also knew that nobody should make Dean even more mad when he's already mad. Dean could never hate Cas. Never! It wasn't in his nature!

Lucifer sighed and looked at his brother. "Cassie, I can tell you for a fact that Dean doesn't-"

"Shove it, Lucifer!" Cas interrupted and snared. He then frowned and walked over to the bed. He laid down and curled up, pulling his trench coat tighter around himself.

Lucifer looked at Sam and frowned.

Sam frowned. "He doesn't have any other weapons on him, does he?" He asked quietly and softly.

Lucifer shook his head. "He shouldn't. No. What do we do?"

"Help me find Dean so I can talk to my brother while you talk to yours, I guess..." Sam frowned.

"Your brother has turned his Grace off. No one, not even I, can track him." Lucifer frowned.

"Can you try?" Sam frowned.

Lucifer nodded. He stared at the wall and tried his hardest to find Dean. He stumbled a bit and he stopped. "He doesn't want to be found." He shook his head.

Sam frowned. "Of course he doesn't." He sighed. "That sounds like him." Sam sighed.

Lucifer looked over at Cas. "We need to do something. One of us needs to watch him at all times." He muttered, looking at Sam again.

"You watch your brother." Sam said. "I'll try and find Dean."

Lucifer nodded and sat down in a chair. "Just find him quick."

Sam nodded. "I know." He said. "I will. Don't worry."

Lucifer turned his attention back to Cas, watching him like a hawk.

Sam pulled his laptop out and tried to track his brother's phone, looking everywhere possible.

Lucifer blinked and Cas was gone from the bed. "Castiel?" He looked around. Lucifer sighed when he found Cas sitting in the chair next to him.

"We'll find Dean, Cas." Sam promised. "I swear. Then I'll knock some sense into the guy."

Cas frowned. "There's no need to search for him. He won't want to come back until I'm gone anyway."

"That's not true." Sam murmured. "He's just mad at himself. I know Dean. I really know him. He does not hate you."

Cas rolled his eyes. "You're not around when he yells at me, Sam."

"I know enough." Sam shook his head. "Trust me when I say that Dean is not mad."

Car squinted his eyes, glaring at Sam.

"I'm serious." He muttered, looking at the full-angel. "I wouldn't lie about something like this."

"Fine." Cas grumbled and stared at the angel blade on the table.

Lucifer pulled the blade towards himself slowly and away from his little brother.

"It's not going to happen, Cas." Sam said. "So stop thinking about it."

"It'll make everything better..." Cas said softly.

"No, it won't!" Lucifer snapped.

"Lucifer." Sam warned, glaring at the Devil. "Don't yell at him."

Lucifer sighed and calmed down. "Sorry."

Cas frowned and pulled his knees to his chest.

Sam sighed deeply. "It's gonna be alright, Cas." Sam mumbled. "I swear. Nothing is gonna go wrong."

Cas nodded and tried to smile.

Lucifer looked at Sam, giving him that let's-hope-you're-right look.

Sam sighed deeply and looked back to his computer screen, still seeing nothing. He pulled his phone out and calling a police department. "Yes. Hello. My cousin ran off yesterday and I haven't heard from him and I don't want him getting into any trouble." ... "Yes. Yes, his name is Jerry Wanek. I just need a GPS on his phone." A few minutes later, there was a dot on the screen, most likely where his brother was at. "Yes. Thank you." Sam said and hung up. Why the hell was Dean in Wyoming?

Lucifer and Cas both looked over at Sam.

"Did you find anything?" Lucifer raised his eyebrows.

"He's in Wyoming." Sam muttered quietly. "Buffalo, actually." He added.

"Why would he be there?" Lucifer questioned.

"I have no idea." Sam shook his head. "I'm gonna go drive there tonight so it might be a while before I get back. With or without Dean. I want both of you to stay here and don't leave for anything." Sam nodded.

Lucifer nodded. "Got it. Castiel, you're staying here with me until Sam gets back."

Cas grunted and rolled his eyes. "He won't come back."

"Well aren't you just a bucket of sunshine." Sam said quietly. "Just...stay here." Sam looked looked at Lucifer. "Call me if something goes wrong."

Lucifer nodded and kept the angel blade close to himself.

Cas glared at Sam then at Lucifer.

Sam sighed and put a few clothes in a duffle bag, along with his laptop, and grabbed the car keys.

Lucifer glared back at Cas, making the angel cower. "Have fun, Sam." He sighed and kept his gaze on Cas.

"I'll try." Sam muttered. "Try to behave, Lucifer." He mumbled.

Lucifer nodded then turned his gaze to Sam. "I can try."

Cas looked at Sam with a 'This is killing me' look on his face.

Sam rolled his eyes and walked out of the motel room, shutting the door behind him as he walked out to the Impala.

Lucifer looked at Cas, who made his way back over to the bed and curled up again. He looked around and couldn't find the angel blade. "Castiel!" He rushed over and fought with his brother for the blade. "Castiel, stop it." He finally took it back and put it under the bed. Lucifer looked at his little brother and saw tears rolling down his face. He laid next to Cas and held him while his brother rambled on and on about Dean through his crying.

Sam looked at his computer to make sure the red dot wasn't moving. It wasn't. He figured that Dean either dropped his phone or...No. He couldn't think like that. Sam was driving down the road until he got closer to the red spot. He tried calling Dean's cell. No answer. He sighed and kept driving then stopped when he reached the red dot.

Dean was sitting at a little, quiet beach, sitting in the sand with his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms resting on his knees, chin perched on his arm. When he says he likes long walks on beaches, it's not just walking.

Sam looked around then found his brother on the bench. He growled slightly then walked over and stood in front of Dean. "There you are."

"Yes," he muttered, eyes red from crying, "here I am. What a surprise to not find me at a bar getting drunk. What's new with you?" Dean didn't even try to look up as he spoke. No attempt seen.

"Where have you been?! We've been worried sick! And Cas..." Sam shook his head in disbelief from Dean. "Cas isn't good."

"I've been here this whole time," Dean mumbled, finally looking up with his reddened eyes. "Oh. Lemme guess... Big brother Luci comforting Cas? Figures."

"Dean, Cas has tried to kill himself several times already because he thinks you hate him!" Sam glared and made Dean stand.

"I know he did," Dean said firmly, keeping his voice level, staggering back a bit. "I'm not stupid. I know what he does, Sam. We have this connection if you forgot."

"Then why the hell have you not tried to stop him?" Sam frowned.

"He probably hates me even more than he think I hate him," Dean muttered. "I didn't want to face him because he might have done something harsh in return to what I did. I'm not mad at him, Sammy. You know that, right? I'm really...not mad at him..."

"He told me what happens when I'm not around. You yell at him and you tempted to hit him once." Sam glared at his brother.

"No, I did not. I never wanted to hit him," Dean scowled. "He's just trying to make me seem like I'm the bad guy now when I'm really not."

"Dean, you balled your fists up! That does count as you tempting to hit him!" Sam snapped.

"I was trying not to, ok?" Dean said harshly. "I was trying not to and Cas took it the wrong way!"

"Well, the way you yell at him almost all the time, I would think you'd want to hit me also!"

"Oh, my God, just shut up!" Dean hissed and sank back down into the sand, his fingers buried into his hair and his knees pulled up to his chest, hiding his face in his arms. He was tempted to just hide himself in his wings like usual but he knew Sam would just shove them out of the way so he didn't pull them out.

Sam frowned. "Dean, you need to go back." He knelt down in front of his brother and sighed, his tone of voice softening.

Dean pressed the balls of his hands to his eyes roughly and kept it like that until he saw stars behind his eye lids. "He knows I don't want to see him anymore," Dean said weakly. "It's...that's not true, though. It's not..."

"Then go back, Dean. He honestly _needs_ you. When you yelled at him for not being able to make Lucifer go away, he felt like you hated him for something he couldn't control. He believes that he's failed you and that you don't want him around anymore. He thinks you'd be better off." Sam sighed and shook his head. "He thinks that if he killed himself, every one of your problems will go away."

Dean tensed at the last part Sam said. He blinked away the stars, waiting until he could see again before speaking. "They wouldn't, though," he frowned. "I feel like I'm turning into Dad." Dean said.

Sam sighed, "You're not turning into Dad, alright? Okay, look. Castiel just wants his Dean back. The Dean that looked at him with adoring and loving eyes instead of angered and betrayed ones. He feels like you hate him because you don't look at him that same way anymore. I've seen it also. It's not the same." He shook his head.

 _Exactly how Dad used to look at me when I turned seven and he expected me to be a good soldier._ Dean thought, silent, with narrowed eyes.

Sam thought about it for a moment then blinked and looked at Dean. "I stand corrected. Now that I think about it, you _are_ turning into Dad."

Dean screwed his eyes shut hard, fisting his hair tightly at Sam's words. Sam was a little bitch and his brother knew it. Sam knew Dean hated Dad.

Sam frowned. "But I know you'll stop, right?"

Dean was quiet for a long moment, not trusting himself to speak at the moment. Dean wanted to say he would most definitely stop, but he didn't know if he could promise that. Dean opened his eyes and looked up when he felt Sam gently nudge his shoulder.

"Come on. Let's just go back to the motel." Sam said softly.

Dean hesitated, still silent, before he slowly nodded and stood up, a little shaky, though, but soon found his footing.

Sam made sure Dean was steady before heading to the Impala. "You're in no condition to drive."

"I figured." Dean said quietly. While he was gone, Dean got, at the most fifteen or twenty minutes of sleep and that really wasn't enough.

Sam got into the car and waited for Dean to get in before driving off. He was back at the motel in about twelve hours, give or take a few minutes. Sam turned the car off. "You sure you wanna do this?" He looked at his brother.

Dean had been out like a light in the first five minutes of the drive, unable to stay awake any longer. He opened his eyes at the sound of his brother's voice. "No," he said tiredly and sat up, "there's no other choice than this..."

"Come on. Let's go see if they've destroyed the place or not." Sam joked lightly and got out. He opened the door and stopped when he saw the place trashed and things flying.

" _Sam!_ " Lucifer yelled from behind a table that was protecting himself. "Cas has gone out of control!"

Dean was hesitant, unsure if he was to go inside or not. He grunted when Sam pushed him inside. The moment he saw his mate, the full-angel pausing with what he was currently doing, there was deep apology in Dean's green eyes.

Cas look at Dean and tilted his head ever so slightly, his eyes squinted a bit.

Lucifer slowly peered up from behind the desk then sighed deeply and sat back down, relieved that his brother stopped.

Dean took a few steps forward, only to stop when he saw Cas tensing up. "Cas..." he said quietly.

Cas looked at Dean with hurt and pained eyes. "You left. You _hate_ me because I couldn't get Lucifer to leave!" He pointed to the table that the Devil was behind, all the while looking at Dean.

Dean swallowed hard, taking a minute before he trusted himself to speak. "I know...that I left," he said slowly. "I understand that you me. I accept that. You can hate me all you want, but...I just want you to know that I could never think about hating you."

"You have no _idea_ how it feels when you yell at me for something that I can't do or for something that I can't control!" Cas swallowed to keep a lump from forming in his throat. "If I was gone, dead, your problems would be _over_. You wouldn't have to worry about someone letting you down or someone failing you as I have been doing all this time!"

Dean winced at Cas's harsh words. "I'm sorry, Cas," he whispered. "I am. I really...really am. If it would make you feel better, I can leave. You won't have to see me again. I'll just be a bad dream." Every word. Dean meant every single word.

"I would rather kill myself than watch you leave me again!" Cas glanced over at the angel blade in Lucifer's hand.

Lucifer backed away, standing next to Sam.

"I wouldn't let you, Cas." Dean shook his head slowly, taking another careful step forward.

Cas was trying to keep himself looking strong and able to stand. He felt as if his legs were about to give out though. "You never look at me the same way as you used to do. You look at me like you hate me and that I've let you down. You don't care anymore. I can see it in your eyes." The angel said, broken.

"No," Dean shook his head. "That's not true. I swear it's not. I could never hate you. Never." Dean took another step forward.

"Then what have I done to make you look at me like that?" Cas pleaded for an answer.

"That's just it. It's not even you, Cas," Dean shook his head. "It's me that I'm mad at."

Cas tipped his head to the side and looked at Dean. "Why?" he asked.

Lucifer grabbed Sam and backed out of the room. "Let's leave them be until they sort through their problems."

Dean waited for Sam's and Lucifer's presence to be gone before speaking again. "I just...I dunno," he muttered. "It's just like that."

Cas frowned and looked down, shaking his head slightly. "Maybe I'm the problem and you just don't realize it."

"You're _not_ the problem, though," Dean insisted, taking the last steps until he was near his mate. "I swear on my life you aren't."

Cas looked up slightly then looked Dean in the eyes. "It feels like I do everything wrong." He leaned his forehead against Dean's and looked down again.

Dean wrapped his arms loosely around Cas, holding him tight but loose enough if he wanted to pull away. "No. You don't do anything wrong."

"I was possessed. I was beaten by Alastair. I've let you down so many times." Cas pressed closer to Dean, his knees feeling weaker the longer he stood.

Dean held Cas tight now, holding him close to his chest. "I haven't complained once." he murmured.

Cas finally lost it and went completely limp, clutching Dean and not wanting to let go.

"Hey, hey, hey... Shh..." Dean soothed. "I gotcha. I'm here. I gotcha..." he whispered.

Cas whimpered, "Don't ever leave me again." He said broken.

"Shh..." he soothed, petting Cas's hair. "I won't. I won't leave..." he murmured, sitting them on the couch and pulled Cas into his lap.

Cas moved closer to Dean and laid his forehead against Dean's neck.

Dean kissed Cas's head softly. "God, I'm sorry..." he whispered. "So...so damn sorry..."

Cas whimpered softly. "I love you."

Dean nodded. "I love you, too," he murmured. "So...so much..."


End file.
